The Secret Life of Squirrels

"We are divine but imperfect beings who exist in two worlds, material and spiritual. It is our destiny to shuttle back and forth between these universes through space and time while we learn to master ourselves and acquire knowledge. We must trust in this process with patience and determination.

Our essence is not fully knowable in most physical hosts, but self is never lost because we always remain connected to both worlds." ~ Dr. Michael Newton

The books that have found me recently have really put me into a spiral.  Journey of Souls made me feel like I'm living in a timeline that only exists because I'm so far off my purpose that everything just feels wrong, and it doesn't make me feel like my purpose was a good one by societal standards.  

I am so far behind in posting what I want to post that I don't even know where to start.

Journey of Souls

"The inner strength that comes to us in our daily lives does not arrive as much by a visual picture of actually seeing our guides as it does from the feelings and emotions that convince us we are not alone. People who listen and encourage their inner voice through quiet contemplation say they feel a personal connection with an energy beyond themselves that offers support and reassurance. If you prefer to call this internal guidance system "inspiration" or "intuition," that is fine because the system that aids us is an aspect of ourselves as well as higher powers."

"When asking for help from your higher spiritual power, I think it is best not to demand immediate change. Our success in life is predicated on planning, but we do have alternative paths to choose from to reach certain goals.

When seeking guidance, I suggest requesting help with just the next step in your life. When you do this, be prepared for unexpected possibilities.

Have the faith and humility to open yourself up to a variety of paths toward solutions."  ~ Michael Newton

I started this post yesterday, feeling somewhat inspired by aspects of this book, but was interrupted by an opportunity to document a performance at a festival today.

The wonder of manifesting paths toward solutions.

The synchronicities and ironies in this case are way deeper than I could possibly get into at the moment, so I'm just flowing past trying to remember that inspiration.

We finally made it to Indian Cave state park. Couldn't really see the cave through the foliage, but the park was refreshingly empty, and Squishy the trash panda made the day quite beautiful.

Apparently V is irrationally afraid of wasps. The insect, not the people. Maybe, also the people... for good reason.

....... and everyone is afraid of walking through spiderwebs, which I have just apparently gotten used to.

Let It Grow In Silence

"Maybe your garden isn't growing because every time a flower blooms, you cut it just to prove to someone that you're a gardener.

"...So maybe stop showing people the seeds. Stop pulling up the roots just to prove something's happening beneath the soil. Let it grow in silence. Let it bloom in its own time. Because a garden isn't built for an audience, it's built for the harvest."

~ thefallenpoet

The flowers are growing fine.

The roots are digging deeper.

The ecosystem is learning to balance.

The tree is thriving by learning to trim the branches that don't serve it.

Interesting people make boring places interesting.

I still don't feel the freedom here to be myself and my kind of interesting, so I am still fighting with reality and creative life. 

I'm not sure how to find our people, other than be the people we are searching for, but we feel like we aren't allowed to be our people, because Omaha.

Silentio Abituros Minantur

"Sometimes, the thing you think is happening is not the thing that is happening. This is true of life. Much of what you think life is, is not what it is. Sometimes you see an action happening and it's not what is really going on. Other things are going on that you cannot see. And if you take your version as real, you will continue disagreeing with life and having lots of opinions. If you are empty of opinions, you discover a synchronicity that you cannot deny. There is a higher power working beyond and behind the human mind that is coordinating things beyond our capacity to comprehend as a person. Live as though it is already your truth." ~ Mooji

 

Missing, Inspiration

"The truest words were from Nietzsche, when he said that any man who knows too much, he can't fit in anywhere. And that's the curse of awareness. Once you start to delve underneath the surface, that's when you realize the whole world is not so simple. And you start to see people for who they really are- and their games they're playing, and that fake confidence, all the ulterior motives. And you realize this whole society is built on lies. And people, they're sheep. And once you see that, you can't unsee that. So you try and try to tell people. But they say to you, 'Oh no, no, you're overreacting, you're crazy! So, you stop talking. But you're still observing, you're still watching. But you know you don't belong anymore. And it's not because you think you're too good for anyone. No, no, it's because you've seen too much, you're watching everything, and now you know you can't go back to how it was anymore. An awareness that isolates you. And it's the price of clarity. Because the crowd says, 'move away!' But then, at least, you know who you are. ~ TheFallenPoet

"Never start a sentence with 'and' or 'but'." ~ TheWritingTeacher

Baby Step

Your soul is flying away from definitions, and the mind feels unbearable. 

Don't keep thinking something is wrong with you. 

This is an investment from the mind itself, and it will interpret every single thing, even a lump in the throat, as something wrong, "I feel so blocked.' 

It will do this. Somebody has a burning kneecap, 'Oh yes! This is stopping me?' It's not! Nothing is stopping you. 

Nothing takes you away from who you are, except through imagination-that's it! There is no other way it can happen, because it's not true. You are eternally yourself, the rest is only a dream. 

This is why it is called awakening.

~ Mooji

anOmahata

I never know where to start with these, but I've got to start somewhere. I have journeyed through so many tabula rasa phases in my creative and healing process, but it was always in relation to the old projects and redesigning or restructuring them. We exist in a new world now, where the creative and medicine work that I've spent the last couple decades developing and refining cause the average person to slowly Homer back into the hedge. I have realized that the more I made my work about healing, the less anyone was interested in it, and when given the opportunity to heal root traumas with Peruvian Amazon medicines, the average person will create a list of reasons why they aren't really ready to heal yet, so I've stepped back from both of those, and..... where am I now? What am I now?

I've spent my entire life hiding from people who knew me when I was younger, which includes people I meet now, and also my behavior as a child... hiding from anyone who might know the idiot I was yesterday, because I am apparently forever not good enough. Either that, or I have an irrational fear of just being normal and boring, but maybe that's just what I am? I have decades worth of writing in blogs that document my journey, but there was a part of me that was always safe behind playing the characters that I created in the pseudonyms. Now I'm just me, or trying to be me, and I'm not sure I know who that is, or if I really like that person.

At the end of the day, all the energy I put into building something beautiful has been rendered null and void, falling significantly short of what I was hoping to do. That has also created a bigger problem, because I am now in the process of finding work that I love, but if you Google my name I don't exist, and as I mentioned before, if I include my pseudonym in the application process here, in Omaha, Nebraska, not many folks out here understand, and in all fairness assume the worst. How we managed to end up in Omaha is another post, but that's where we are. That is also what inspired the title of the blog, in a kind of blind faith that those who find this understand what Anahata means, and the significance of Om, together with the appearance of Omaha in those two being combined. I think that is beyond profound, primarily because I feel like I lost my heart and divinity somewhere along our journey here, but I would rather assume that we ended up in this only state of the union which is triple landlocked, thus making it the heart by default, to find our hearts and divinity. To sum up the earlier thought, if you Google my name, a bunch of acting stuff I did from over a decade ago comes up, which is somewhat embarrassing.

I am going to abruptly sum this up with a recent quote from my own reading journey that will probably leave anyone with more questions that answers.

"Sometimes, the thing you think is happening is not the thing that is happening. This is true of life. Much of what you think life is, is not what it is. Sometimes you see an action happening and it's not what is really going on. Other things are going on that you cannot see. And if you take your version as real, you will continue disagreeing with life and having lots of opinions. If you are empty of opinions, you discover a synchronicity that you cannot deny. There is a higher power working beyond and behind the human mind that is coordinating things beyond our capacity to comprehend as a person. Live as though it is already your truth." ~ Mooji